Missy and 12


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Breaking Point: A Spooks fan fic
Missy and 12
Title: Breaking Point
Characters: Ruth Evershed and Harry Pearce
Rating: M for disturbing themes and moments
Spoilers For everything involving s8 to be safe, but then veers off into wild s9 au
Word Count: 2500 words approx.
Summary: What would we do for love? How far would we go to save those we love?
Notes: My third au s9 fic. This isn't conventional R/H or even everyone's cup of tea so please no flaming. The more Spooks fics I write the more experimental they get. It's a what if scenario and obviously I don't really want this to happen so love not hate please (though constructive criticism is welcome always). This au fic assumes s8 was mi5 doing mi5 things and not playing at mi6 with the whole Nightingale plot. Ros Meyers still died however. Also, I want you to all know it killed me to write this. In my defence, I’ve just watched Casino Royale.
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The Present (Alice, the Rabbit Hole and a Catch 22)


It was Tariq who found out of course. He was young and clever and he wasn’t silent, cautious like Malcolm. Tariq was too smugly young to be wise. It was his downfall.

He’d stayed back late on The Grid. “Ruth. I’ve been checking some files. The coding around Lucas’ recent activities are all wrong. Listen- I think we were wrong about him working for the Chinese. Somebody else has set the guy up.”

She raised an eyebrow, nonchalant. “Who?”

“It has to be someone on The Grid. One of us. They had to have the access codes themselves, and be fairly high up too. Oh- and clever; very, very clever.” His arms were up casually around the back of his head, ever so sure of himself. “Not clever enough for me though.”

“No?” She was almost alongside him now, like they usually were when they worked together; he seated at his desk in front of the computer, she looking over his shoulder, analysing his latest intel as fast as he could pull it up. He was so confident, so full of his own self importance. And yet she cared for him, cared for all of them. She would never be callous and Connie.

His eyes widened slowly. He’d finally put two and two together.

“No... it can’t be...”

“And yet is is,” she whispered, smashing the paperweight she had quietly picked up against his skull, again and again and again, till there was blood all over the files on the desk, bits of white oozing out from the side of his head. She stowed the paperweight in her handbag, pulled out the silencer and shot him in the head just to be sure, multiple times, eyes closed tight, each shot reverberating through her whole body, each shot a flinch.

Then she waited.


It was her turn to be on the receiving end; days on end of flickering lights or total darkness, erratic food and water, hands smashing on the table, “why did you do it Ruth? You could have run away. You could have had the head start. You could have killed him quickly, painlessly, and run away.”

“I had to do it Harry.” Her eyes were begging him to understand. "I wanted to be caught."

His eyes were cold. “Why? Just tell me why.”

Yet she was telling him nothing because a part of her knew he would never understand. She was weary. Nothing mattered anymore. Nico was safe. Her chance at love and happiness sacrificed for her metaphorical child. What was the point in more words?

Then he’d tried wheedling it out of her. “For the sake of all that we once had Ruth, help me to understand.”

The days stretched out, never ending and the less she said the more The Grid judged. She had said she was dead inside. It was a lie. She was in this mess because she felt too much. She had compassion and a chequered past.

Harry had been an idiot to rehire her knowing that.

The Past (Through the Looking Glass)


“I can’t.” She was nearly hysterical.

The man’s thick hands rubbed her back gently, mockingly. “You can. You will. Remember George.”

She managed to pull herself together to reply. “I’d do anything to forget George.”

“But not Harry?” Her captor smiled.

She bit her tongue and refused to engage.

“So,” he whispered, “fear for Harry doesn’t move you...”

“He knew what his job entailed. He’s brave and clever. He’ll find a way out.”

“A trained officer and head of D might... but would a child?”

Her eyes gave her away as he laughed. “Ah yes. Women! All the same aren’t you... the moment we appeal to your compassion. It is your downfall every time.” His fingers stroked her chin. “I think... that you are very afraid... very, very afraid. But not for yourself, never for yourself.”

There were goosebumps on her arms. “Where is he?” She tried to make it sound like she wasn’t imploring.

His fingers moved down to rest around her shoulders and he whispered in her ear, making her shiver, making her wonder what else he was going to do to her. “I’ve made it simple for you... a set up just like last time.”

One of his men had wheeled a TV into the room. She hadn’t noticed.

“Were you brave about George Ruth? I don’t think so. I heard that you screamed and screamed and screamed... but I wonder how much more you would scream for a child’s sake... for Nico’s sake...”

The remote switched the tv to on and Nico was in an unsafe ‘safe’ house. It was history repeating itself.

She wanted to bring her hands up over her face to shield herself from the terror but that was cowardice and besides, she was paralysed by her own horror. When it came to families and Cyprus there was never a real choice.

Nico was closing his beautiful brown eyes, squeezing them tight as the Russian with a gun held against the back of the boy’s head began to tell Nico Malcolm’s story about the dog. The bastards must have been listening in and taking notes the first time round.

Ruth was shaking, shaking all over. She knew it was about psychology, a breaking tactic.

“Do it and we let the boy go,” the mystery man whispered. “Do it, and you and him will both be safe. I promise.”

“N-n-no,” she shook her head over and over.

“Wrong answer.” He slapped her hard across the face and blood poured out of her nose and mouth. When she opened her mouth to scream the blood filled her mouth and she couldn’t breathe.

“Tell me,” the bastard went on, “is it really all just maths to you Ruth? The boy for Section D and its secrets. That’s all we ask of you.” His hand traced down her neckline, “we are not unreasonable.”

She said nothing, silent.

He got up, angry; kicked her chair back and she felt her head crack against the hard ground. She saw Nico; his eyes now open, afraid on the screen and then she blacked out.

When she came to, in complete darkness, his voice was there with her. “You have an hour to make your choice. Then the boy dies.”

“It is no choice at all,” she replied bitterly.

His breath was disgusting, hot on her face. “I know Ruth that you will make the right choice. We learnt from Connie- even the best agents have a breaking point and don’t delude yourself on your considerable abilities my dear; you’re one of the best.”

He didn’t see the silent tears roll down her cheeks. He wouldn’t have cared if he had.


Harry ran in to the now empty room, saw her sitting hunched in the corner first. He was signalling the medics over, sliding down next to her, pulling her face into his shoulder as she sobbed with what he assumed was relief.

“Nico- he’s alright,” he said. “We got to him first.”

She shook her head slowly, as though dazed.

“It’s ok, Ruth. You’re safe now.” She was still looking at him with that glazed expression, communicating a message that he didn’t understand.

Afterwards, in the hospital, he didn’t move from her bedside. “I’ll give you as much time as you need Ruth.”

“Time,” she said firmly, “why would I need that?”

“You were held hostage and threatened Ruth. It’s alright to take time off, to take a break you know.”

She looked at him, spoke firmly. “I’d rather not, if it’s all the same to you. Once I take the time off I doubt I’d ever manage to come back again. You know that.”

Harry knew that his emotions were shaping his decisions about Ruth but the threat hung there, filling him with a deep terror. Ruth never coming back. He’d do anything and everything, anything at all, to keep her by his side.

He knew she needed some time out and he didn’t care. He smiled instead, trying to let her know just how much he cared. “Alright. I’ll see you back in the office soon then.”


His eye brows shot up in surprise.

“I’ll be fine by tomorrow,” she repeated.

Her expression was one he could never ever bring himself to argue with. He knew he should at least do a proper debrief before he let her back on the grid, that he should at least question her about what happened, what her captors looked like, what they had said. He loved her, and he didn’t want to hurt her, and the cold, clear blue eyes were too much for him and he was defeated.


She met the Russian bastard, as she liked to call him, by a designated tree in Kensington Gardens. It had to be far enough away that she wouldn’t run into Harry, but close enough that it didn’t look suspicious.

“The Russians and the Chinese, both after superior weapons again. I should have known. The Cold War ended in 1989 you know.”

“You’re good at history Ruth and you’re smart enough to know that this isn’t about ideology anymore. It’s about super powers and legitimacy and bucking the dying trend. Iraq, Afghanistan, famines and failed peacekeeping missions... even the economy isn’t as stable any more as the West likes to think. One day the Washington Consensus will fail and then where will we all be. Beijing is where it’s at and if your country doesn’t want to be for us, it’s against us. A big mistake.”

“You chose me because of the Chinese languages didn’t you? I’m the only one in D who speaks Mandarin.”

He clapped his hands together slowly. “Very good, Ruth. You won’t be dealing with me anymore. It will be with our Chinese contact.”

The contacts name was Xian Wu. He actually seemed like a rather nice, soft spoken man. It made it slightly easier to talk that way, she supposed.


She didn’t sell much at first, or at least they never asked for much.

They let her speak with Nico once a week, just to reassure her that he was still alive and that they still had him somewhere where only they could get at him.

So much for Harry’s protection of the boy. There must have been another insider connected into the system via Connie. She had managed to compromise all of their safe houses after all.

Sometimes she wondered if she should have tried telling Harry what was going on, but then she would grow frightened and tell herself she’d rather see Nico safe. Besides, since George she had stopped caring so much for the entire concept of the secret service. She cared about people’s lives more than state machinations. Or at least that’s how she justified her silence to herself.

At least she’d never sold anyone out to their deaths... yet. Jo had died because of a terrorist cell and Ros and Ros herself had died on a private mission involving the former Home Secretary. Nothing to do with Ruth at all.

She was relieved Ros was gone in a way. She saw right through people. And had been a traitor herself. It took one to know one.

Still, Ros was gone now where she couldn’t get to Ruth or anyone else. She found Lucas and his broodings irritating. He was the one Harry trusted least, and the easiest person on the Grid for Ruth to set up.

She hated herself every second that she was framing someone else, giving someone else the blame. They had gotten too close. It had become obvious to everyone secrets were being leaked somewhere. It had been her and Nico or Lucas.

Ultimately, Ruth discovered she was a selfish person.

The Present (Time sifts, runs out for the white rabbit)

“It doesn’t matter that I loved you. You killed a loyal member of my Team. You sold state secrets. You betrayed us all, which in and of itself is unforgiveable. But the worst thing, the worst thing of all is that you used my trust in you, used my love for you and twisted it around into an ugly thing. I’ll never forgive you for that Ruth.”

“I never asked for your forgiveness. Or even your understanding.”

His eyes were like flint, and she felt his hurt, his unhappiness as a physical pain. She still loved Harry. The problem was she had loved someone else’s child more.

“Why didn’t you come to me,” Harry was shouting now. “Why didn’t you let me help you? We could have caught them out at their own game, fed them false information.”

“Can’t you see that I was frightened? I was half hoping, half begging when you first found me in that abandoned bunker that you would suspend me from service, take the impossible choice away from me. You didn’t.”

“So now it’s my fault? My fault you sold out Queen and country!”

From somewhere deep within she found the strength to answer him with the honest answer that he deserved. “It ceased to be about state and overall good for me the second that they had Nico. The Service can do its best to train us in how not to feel, how not to react, how to resist torture and shut up like clams and say nothing in the face of terrifying adversity, but they cannot create soulless robots and they cannot suppress basic human instinct. I love Nico, I love him as though he were my own child. I had to protect him and I thought that this choice I made was the only way.”

“A pretty speech and perhaps true in some ways, but it doesn’t change what you’ve done.”

“What will you do?”

His head was in his gloved hands. “I don’t know what to do.”

“You’re the Section Head. It’s your choice and yours alone.”

“Don’t lecture me,” he snapped. “Betrayal is a cancer. Let it eat your soul, not mine.”

“You can’t leave me here forever. Besides, I’ve told you all that I know. You’ll have to send me for a proper trial, send me to gaol, or kill me. You can’t let me walk free. I killed a man.”

“Don’t...” There were tears on his cheeks.

“I did love you Harry, even throughout all of this, even when I became someone I despised I still loved you.”

He didn’t look up. “Nico’s dead. They killed him as soon as we caught you. It was all for nothing. Everything you did was for nothing”

The lump in her throat grew bigger.

“Let me go Harry. I am sorry Harry. Sorry for everything really.”

He pulled the gun out of his pocket, aimed it at her head. “Me too.”

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New Spooks fic, yay! Beautifully written as always, and I love that you include references from past series that mysteriously disappeared from the show canon (Connie giving the safe-houses etc.).
Want to know the truth? I like this scenario. (I seem to have developed a love for fics that turn my most beloved characters into baddies. I blame your Bad!Dimitri fic. ;) And Ruth and her love for Nico always break my heart. The moment you wrote about Harry wearing gloves, I knew he was going to kill her. :( But the more I think about it the more I can't see H/R ending in a non-tragic way, and this would have been a good storyline.

Ok, end of ramblings, I loved it! Well done. ;)
(Just one thing, could you explain the Alice reference in the past/present titles? Or at least I think it was an Alice reference but I didn't get it...)

It took me a whole month to publish this! That's how much it killed me to make Ruth bad!

I think I have a weird obsession with Connie, 8.1, George, Nico and "never having time to grieve." Seriously show. There was so much material there that was absolutely squandered and there were so many directions they could have taken. Like how cool would it have been if s7,8 and 9 all connected up in these invisible lines that weren't really invisble because they had been there all alone but you just had to know where to look. I love it when my shows do that.

I wondered if one of your fic ideas would have ended up the same as this? It seemed like you and I both had the same suspicion of Ruth maybe being the traitor in s9. I certianly thought it from roughly 9.4.

It was really a riff off Casino Royale where Bond learns to trust no one. Harry really is very unreliable because he cares about his collagues too much and he gives them second chances. In real life secret service, that would be when you make mistakes.

It was an Alice reference. The first one was referring to Ruth as Alice falling down the figurative rabbit hole (killing Tariq and therefore having to face the consequences for that), and the catch 22 was because it was an impossible choice ie someone she liked or Nico. Second one 'Through the looking glass" refers to mirrors and reflections... kind of what I was saying about invisible lines connecting things. The past is connected to the future always. The last one, is time running out for Ruth basically (the white rabbit is always late for his important date). I don't know. As I said, I was just coming over all experimental really ;)

I think I have a weird obsession with Connie, 8.1, George, Nico and "never having time to grieve."
Hmm yes, I think these elements were present in almost all your Spooks fics I've read. But I understand, because it's a shame these weren't exploited in the show.

These three series connected would have been brilliant for us viewers and for the continuity in the show! It makes me think of LOM/A2A because I liked the connections between the series.

Hmm, don't know about my own fic ideas... I did have that suspicion, yes, definitely but I didn't focus on other characters being traitors like you did. My ideas were more about completely erasing s9 and thinking about what the logical continuity of s8 would have been.
You know, in a way, I think Ruth being the traitor and maybe killing Lucas in the process (because he had to leave) would have been a good storyline. The writers wanted to be audacious, but I think they got it wrong about what the really audacious story was.

I never finished watching Casino Royale (I think I fell asleep from boredom while watching it) so I can't tell, but I get the idea. And yes, Harry is getting too emotionally involved with his agents, which is good in a human way, but makes him vulnerable as a spy and a leader.

Ok, get it now. Experimentation is good! ;)

I CAN'T HELP IT I TELL YOU. Those lines have haunted me since 8.1.

Have you ever heard this song:
It reminds me of the plight of every single Spook but especially Ruth.

I was actually going to mention LOM/A2A :P

My last au s9 fic isn't necessarily a true traitor fic so much as a figurative traitor fic. make of that what you will ;) I think you're right. The most audacious and the most shocking story would have been to make Ruth the traitor. I really thought they were going to do it too. I think that they could have pulled it off.

Ha! I'm an enormous Bond fan and Casino Royale rates as one of the best movie experiences I've ever had (fondly remembers the ending where everyone started dancing in the cinema to the Bond theme. Yes. Everyone. Harry is so vulnerable right now. Maybe he will die after all in s10 but please no. Maybe Ruth will be the traitor in s10 too?

Each one gets progressively weirder and weirder and less conventional

Aw, the song is lovely, no I'd never heard it before. It made me think of Zoe, but it can also apply to Ruth.

I like Bond, but I haven't watched a Bond movie since forever; I got tired of the (imo) crappy plots in some of the movies. But I may give Craig!Bond another try, I like Daniel Craig after all. :)

Oh no, I don't want Harry to die. Hmm, I'm pretty sure either Harry or Ruth will die, if not both of them. I'm really dreading the story-line, I'm afraid they are going to turn Harry into a villain and destroy 10 series of his character... But maybe not, given all the safe pity with Harry in s9, maybe the writers like him after all and won't destroy him...
It'd be interesting if Ruth was the traitor. Of course it would have to make sense and work, but if done well it could be good (and part of me wants to see Nicola play Bad!Ruth because it would be brilliant). At least if it happens we'll be able to say we saw it coming. ;)

WHAT THE EFFING HELL. (In the best way possible, darling).


MY PLOT BUNNIES MADE ME DO IT. also it still makes more sense to me then Jucas


My plot bunnies are strangely silent atm. BOO.

I have two more s9 plot bunnies and then mericfully there shall be silence (until s10 most likely)

I think with each fic I write I just get more and more unconventional and adventurous lol. Me: How can I most shock this fandom next ;)?

How can I most shock this fandom next OH NO, YOU IZ LIKE TEH WRITERS. :O




This is great, I love it when people mess around with who's good and bad. And I liked your development of George and Nico; they always seemed a wasted plotline.

And oh, RUTH.

Thanks :)

Did you read my Dimitri traitor fic? That was fun too :P

the_silverdoe can tell you I have a strange obsession with Ruth, 8.1, George, Nico, and "never enough time to grieve." Almost every fic I write involves it in some way. I can never understand the people who deny George and Nico's power over Ruth. especially in canon



*can not compute*

What's worrying me is not the fact that you made Ruth bad, but that I'm believing it.

*clings to early-series-not-naive-clumsy Ruth*


My work here is done ;)

You're believing it because like with Dimitri it was always in the realm of the possible that this could have happened. Anoth plotline that made more sense than Jucas *sigh*

Hippie Ruth is great!

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